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And you’re mad because they didn’t put a candle in the cake? They didn’t have any fucking candles. The server told me that you said her “big day was ruined.” Well, honey, if my birthday passed without a bunch people I don’t know begrudgingly singing Happy Birthday to me off-key, I’d call that a rip-roaring success. That’s what a kid’s birthday should be like. At some point, we’d sit at a big table and I would let them all serenade me until I was given the cue to to rip open my presents. My mom and dad would buy a sheet cake from Albertson’s and make some Kool-Aid and then all the kids from the neighborhood would come over and we’d play on the swing set. And what kind of life are you living if your daughter’s idea of a great birthday is to go to some chain restaurant that’s in the parking lot of a mall? When I was a kid, I celebrated my birthday in my back yard with my friends. Eat your free piece of thawed out birthday cake and move on. If it’s the restaurant’s policy to not sing the goddamn stupid ass happy fucking birthday song, then that’s how it goes. You know what, Mom? Get the fuck over it. It was her choice to come here but no candle or any type of celebration was done. “We wanted to give a better tip but felt no accommodations were given or consideration for the child’s birthday. The lady then got all pissed off and stiffed the server on a $32 bill and left this note which I Photoshopped a little bit so you can’t see what restaurant it came from: The lady talked to the manager who confirmed that it was not gonna happen. The server said they can’t do it, but gave her a free dessert anyway. Harassment!” Anyhoo, the servers at his restaurant are exempt from the hell that is known as “I need birthday singers.” A lady came into the restaurant with her little girl and asked that they sing for her birthday. He didn’t give me the details but I assume it went something like, “Oh my God, these bitches cain’t sing at all and they are ruining my Awesome Blossom eatin’ time. Basically, the story is this: at his corporate restaurant, they banned singing happy birthday because of a lawsuit involving harassment. I am not going to give his name because I don’t want to take the chance that the is violating a social media contract.
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A reader sent me a little story about what went down in her section a couple of weeks ago. You know who does not want to sing the Happy Birthday Song to you? Your server, that’s who. These are the people who I think don’t mind singing the Happy Birthday Song to me and then when it’s their birthday I return the favor.
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I surround myself with my husband and good friends like Marlene, Scott and Svedka. (The title is partially inspired by Jennifer Egan’s novel “The Candy House.”) But left turns are business as usual for Gordon, a restlessly curious artistic polymath who has never settled for the conventional, expected or familiar.On my birthday, I like to do things that involve people who care about me. Not many artists welcome their 70s with a new album, and virtually none with a record as blistering and gloriously strange as “The Collective,” which has more in common with postmillennial SoundCloud rap than the dulcet tones of 21st-century indie-rock. “Because I’d actually worked that day and felt a finality to the project, it was really satisfying.” “It was kind of great to have done that on my 70th birthday,” she said and laughed from behind tinted sunglasses. But also, as Gordon explained on a video call from her book-strewn home in late February, it doubled as a celebration of finishing her second solo album, “The Collective.” Gordon’s 70th birthday party last year, though, was another story entirely.įor one thing, it was in Los Angeles, the city she’d grown up in and returned to in 2015. Plenty of people she loved attended her 60th birthday bash in New York, but she still felt unmoored. The day she turned 60, the artist and musician Kim Gordon felt, by her own admission, “shipwrecked.” She had recently gone through a painfully high-profile divorce from her husband of 27 years, Thurston Moore, and in the wake of their split, their band Sonic Youth - the freewheeling and fearlessly experimental group that almost single-handedly defined the sound and ethos of American alternative rock - ended its 30-year-run.